User Profile

My name is Kate, I am 29 years old, and recovering from an Eating Disorder which I've suffered from since the age of 14, although I can see now that the seeds were sown much earlier in my childhood.

At the age of 4, I believed I was fat, ugly and had "hair the colour of poo". At the age of 8 I went on my first "diet". At 12, feeling too fat for gym lessons, I began throwing away my packed lunch. At 14, I decided to eat nothing but vegetables, and exercise became an obsession.

School was a nightmare for me, and after I left for University, I slowly began to eat more, try new things. For the first time in my life I had friends and was happy. But unable to control my appetite after starving for so long, I became locked in a cycle of what I now know to call binge-eating, which at the time I saw as plain greed.

5 years later, I discovered purging, and the cycle became starve-binge-purge-starve...which has been the pattern ever since. My weight has fluctuated wildly, depending on the ratio of starving to bingeing at any particular time.

The illness affected my life in more ways than I would have believed possible, often leaving me profoundly depressed and suicidal. Meanwhile, I lost friendships, University courses, a career in nursing which had always been my dream - and my sense of who I am, what I stand for.

Miraculously, I met my husband, and became pregnant with my beautiful little boy. It never crossed my mind for a moment that my Eating Disorder would not vanish during my pregnancy, or that I would find myself incapable of eating anything like a normal diet. But that is what happened. During that pregnancy my weight plummeted, whilst I struggled to convince the professionals I needed help.

Thanks to God, and not much to me, my baby boy was born rudely healthy, weighing 8lbs7oz. And my fight for treatment finally paid off - I was going to need now, to be a healthy mother and a good role model.

A year ago, I began attending a daycare service, 150 miles from my home. This was seen as a last chance to avoid admission to an inpatient unit, which would have meant separation from my baby for several months.

Slowly, although at times it seemed impossible, I started to improve. I would call myself semi-recovered. I never thought this would be possible for me after so long, but I am better than I have been in fifteen years.

I am now pregnant for the second time, and this is my journey, I hope, towards full and permanent recovery.

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